End of school

it has not hit me yet that i will not be going back to the classes that have tortured me for the past few weeks. i have not yet fully realized that i won't see many of my close acquaintances ever again. they will all move on and become "real" people. with lives and jobs... AHHHH! that's me in a year.

here is reality: i am now a senior! i have turned in my check out slip, and all grades are final. my Junior year of high school is OVER! I'm half dancing, and half crying. you know me, i don't do endings! i cry at the end of every movie, simply because it's over, don't believe me? that's because i hide it so well.

it is a wonder to me that the friends i have now won't be my friends in 30 years, my mom certainly doesn't see many of her high school friends any more. is this what it comes to.... i put all this effort into friendships, and in even so much as 2 years the people i love will have forgotten me. that's not fair. i sincerely love Nick, Nicole, Nicholas, Annie, and many of the others. i don't want to lose them. that doesn't make sense. but hopefully the technologies that my generation has hold of, we'll stay in touch at the touch of a few buttons. that seems better to me. i hope it is the reality.

i realize now that there are more cute guys at my school than i could find in a school out of state. but i don't give a fetch what a guy looks like. yeah, it's nice to have all his parts there, nose, eyes, etc. but that isn't what matters. it's what he says and does that matters. i am constantly commenting to my friends, "oooOh, that boy is cute" or "man that boy is a hottie" some of my friends only know that shallow side of me (sorry for them) but i don't think that way, and the boys who i comment on their looks are usually the guys i avoid talking to... not because they're awful people, just because i suffer from chronic shyness (you wouldn't guess that, but i'm even shy around my own family sometimes) but there are some boys who have looks and personality, and it is wonderful to be their friends, and that is totally what you want, but it would be nice if they were... well... okay more than a friend. that's where i'm at right now. i value his friendship as more than all the gold in the universe, and i care for him immensely, but i don't know what he thinks of me. Ugh i always do this to my self! new rule: "Crystal isn't allowed to try to gauge how people feel about her, because she'll always judge that they think she's a freak that they're forced out of civility to spend time with." all who agree with this rule say "aye" t

hat's what i thought...


moving on:

my summer starts, and i'll be out of town for the first 5-6 weeks. but that's okay, because i have the last few to relax while i try to find a job for the school year. (i'm hoping that i'll get one in this place by my house... i hope they have an opening at the end of the summer)

if you have my number, don't hesitate to text me. i love talking to people. it's sorta my thing that i do. and if you don't have my number then i feel sorry for you, unless you're a stranger... in which case... i'm sorry, but that's not where i talk to strangers.

wow. this is my last post for a while. (on penningjade) and i hope every one will have a great time this summer, even if your routine doesn't change. just live life, laugh at your own mistakes, and love the people you surround yourself with.